Do YOU ever have one too many espressos, a whole bag of potato chips, or maybe daily masturbation? These sensations you are chasing are pointing you to something. You are not a subhuman for chasing sensational experiences, please don't beat yourself up that is not the point.
I can tell you a million stories of metaphorically punching myself in the guts before someone else had the chance to. I was my biggest bully. It's a loop of self-shame that can be unwound. It is necessary actually for you to let go and create momentum for your evolution. That is a separate topic though.
When we seek these sensational experiences, our soul is dying of thirst to drink the nectar from the energy of SOURCE.
You can pray and wish all you want but if your body is not attuned to the still point within that allows you full access to SOURCE energy then you will be in the outer circles of reality.
Those circles give rise to distortion, even in the slightest manner.
Those centrical circles that surround the still point of the bullseye within are ripples in your energy field that draw to them certain experiences like a magnet. They make it harder to drop effortlessly into meditation, into the moment, into laughter, and deep deep authenticity.,
The center of the bullseye is your true humanness.
It just is. It is a channel and vessel for the creative energy of SOURCE to flow through. That is what you hunger for. That is the cure to ALL DISEASE, ADDICTION, BOREDOM, DEPRESSION, and ANXIETY. You name it.
But how does one arrive there?
That is the million-dollar question and worthy pursuit, maybe the only pursuit that is worthy. Step 1 at least.
To be honest, so much of it has to do with the wring of your human form. Yes, your Nervous System. If you are shutting down in Dorsal or running in Sympathetic you are not able to settle in the center of the center. Ventral will get you there. It is from the center of the ventral that your body will flush out all of the debris it has been holding on to, old beliefs, emotions, stories, etc. When our attention is on the outer we are more likely to be pulled out of the ventral.
We have to have some of our attention on the outer, that is the paradox. However, like the breath, half on the outer, and half on the inner. Automatically they can be seamless without thought but still happening. Have masculine, half feminine. There are many ways to look at it.
My favorite line from a Mexican Medicine Woman is, "don't believe everything you think".
We are layered in belief systems and we hold onto them with fury. Fuck it. Sorry, I swear. What are we holding on to?
The only way to the center is to surrender, let go and allow.
I get it. It is not that simple. That is where I come in and the work I do. I have spent time on each of the circles of distortion myself. I now the maps, the terrain, the way in and the way out.
I also know there is a current that will reveal when the boulders are out of the way. This current is the juice, the new instructions for earth come from here. Present moment instructions.
For today try this:
1. Commit to acknowledging your thirst for the Source of Creation.
2. Eat and drink in a manner that feels balanced and in devotion to the main intention.
3. Talk to the earth, talk aloud about the burdens you carry, ask for help, and allow yourself to let go of your own beliefs, best of all play with the invisible forces of creation, and make friends with them.
4. Be a friend to them yourself.
Thoughts create emotions and stuck emotions stick in the body.
What goes in must come out.
The internal temperature of my body just increased 20 degrees, forcing the pores of my skin to open. I can sense a delicate plasma releasing from the opening, dumping its contents back into the Great Mystery of existence.
My eyes are registering my reality differently. There is a dimension that is revealing itself that is usually hidden beneath my perceptual state. This dimension is utter fear, fear that the world, my beloved, and my friends will lose interest in me.
Just like a flash of lightning, this stuffed emotional belief is finding its way to the surface.
Every thought I have is mirroring this belief. I am in hyperarousal, scanning a lifetime of memories in a split second to confirm this belief that everyone will lose interest in me.
There are no tears. There is just a sensation leaving my body with thought.
Ok. I want to reach out, and get reassurance that I am still interesting. But no, I decide to wait. This is the detox of the emotional holding. This is healing.
So I stay in stillness with it. I love it. I thank it. I become curious if I can track the original wound that created this belief then I pray.
"Mother, Father, God, Creator of All That Is, it is commanded that this fundamental belief, I am interesting no, be cleared from all timelines, dimensions, and reality threads. Cleared from the physical body, emotional, and mental body. This is instantaneous and permanent, instantaneous and permanent, instantaneous and permanent."
Wow. How long has that been lodged in my cells? How many decisions have I created based on this false belief? How many friendships did I end prematurely convinced they were not interested in me? How many times did I say I was uninteresting and brought that into reality.
Most importantly, how much space did this belief create between me and my God: stillness, peace, presence.
My dear ones, next time a trigger happens, get curious. The trigger is not there to wound you again, it is there lanced, open, ready to let the poison out, to let the burden go. Will you let it? Don't run to a distraction but just be one with the lancing. One with the discomfort.
May it be as sudden and healing as mine today; not that decades of living with this distortion is sudden but when I was no longer willing to hold it, it moved.
This is a law of the Universe; what comes in must come out. It did not feel good coming in and it usually does not feel good coming out. The immature nature of us humans will blame another. That part of me showed up. I wanted to tell my beloved that I was afraid he will think I am interesting and leave. Part of me wants him to reassure me that I am fine. This is only a temporary solution.
The deeper truth is that he can only act upon a distortion that I already carry. I will make it be so because it is in my energy, not the other way around.
So I sit with myself then I share the fruits of my labor. Self-responsible. Self-referencing. Interdependent and grateful for the trigger to become clean again; to return to my GOD; peace, stillness, presence.
Here are the rules I live by:
Have you ever had an internal sensation that you completely misread? Maybe a time when your heart raced, your stomach clenched, and the desire to run was ignited within? Quickly you connect the dots and pulled forth a narrative; you have anxiety, you are the problem just like (fill in the blank) in the past.
Yep, that was me last night AND I was completely wrong.
Last night, I was a participant in a sacred song circle. After each song, sharing was optional; popcorn style. I make it a practice to feel the energy of the space and contribute my voice. My voice has not always been available when I have needed it, so I practice exercising the muscle by using it in group settings.
During one of the medicine songs, my body started to have a strong reaction. My pores opened, my heart raced and my body went flush with heat. My instant response was a reaction to this experience; making meaning. Yep, you guessed it, I made it to mean something negative about myself. I told myself that I am having a panic attack, then I started to think about all the times I had 'failed' to show up in my life, and here I was about to embark on another. "I am stuck, I can't sing, I have been here for years, all this work, and I haven't grown, I failed". That was the narrative running in my head. Fun huh?! Do you know the one?
When it was time to share, I wanted to hold back but in my practice of letting my voice be heard, I shared. Turns out the song is sung in Kambo ceremonies and it induces purging. My sensitive body responded to the Spirit of the song and it started to purge. That was all. The song was blessing me, the Spirit was blessing me. I misread the gift.
I pondered all day today. How many times have I misread my own body? How many times have I taken on someone else's spirit and made it personal? I mean, I do this daily in my private sessions and it is a great tool for information. Why in social settings do I make it mean something personal?
This is the great crux of an empath.
How does one depersonalize themselves from their inner experience?
So darlings. I invite you this week to watch your internal dialogue with a bit more curiosity and fewer absolutes. I hope you get a surprise like me that shakes your 'truth' to the core, please share if you do. If not, then play with creating some space. As much as I believe in the power of healing work, each moment you have an opportunity to work with yourself and free yourself from the conditioning of your parents, your community, country, and past lives. The time truly is only ever NOW.
One last piece I would like to leave you with that came up for a dear client today is holding back your opinion when another share there's. Ask questions about how they came to their opinion, and get curious.
Curiosity of self and other is your friend this week to depersonalize your inner experience.
IF you want help resolving inner childhood trauma that is keeping you in an emotional loop, I would love to help you. My approach is as unique as your are. Together we hunt the seed of distortion, pull it out through the timelines it is connected to, and send it on its way with gratitude for the teachings and for the new found freedom. Reach out at 604-389-0595, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, or book on this site.
NOW IS the only time and it IS the time to TRULY LIVE.
The path here is not always easy but it is WORTH IT.
Everything begins from within.
There are two forces of the Universe: contrary and congruent.