Have you ever had an internal sensation that you completely misread? Maybe a time when your heart raced, your stomach clenched, and the desire to run was ignited within? Quickly you connect the dots and pulled forth a narrative; you have anxiety, you are the problem just like (fill in the blank) in the past.
Yep, that was me last night AND I was completely wrong.
Last night, I was a participant in a sacred song circle. After each song, sharing was optional; popcorn style. I make it a practice to feel the energy of the space and contribute my voice. My voice has not always been available when I have needed it, so I practice exercising the muscle by using it in group settings.
During one of the medicine songs, my body started to have a strong reaction. My pores opened, my heart raced and my body went flush with heat. My instant response was a reaction to this experience; making meaning. Yep, you guessed it, I made it to mean something negative about myself. I told myself that I am having a panic attack, then I started to think about all the times I had 'failed' to show up in my life, and here I was about to embark on another. "I am stuck, I can't sing, I have been here for years, all this work, and I haven't grown, I failed". That was the narrative running in my head. Fun huh?! Do you know the one?
When it was time to share, I wanted to hold back but in my practice of letting my voice be heard, I shared. Turns out the song is sung in Kambo ceremonies and it induces purging. My sensitive body responded to the Spirit of the song and it started to purge. That was all. The song was blessing me, the Spirit was blessing me. I misread the gift.
I pondered all day today. How many times have I misread my own body? How many times have I taken on someone else's spirit and made it personal? I mean, I do this daily in my private sessions and it is a great tool for information. Why in social settings do I make it mean something personal?
This is the great crux of an empath.
How does one depersonalize themselves from their inner experience?
So darlings. I invite you this week to watch your internal dialogue with a bit more curiosity and fewer absolutes. I hope you get a surprise like me that shakes your 'truth' to the core, please share if you do. If not, then play with creating some space. As much as I believe in the power of healing work, each moment you have an opportunity to work with yourself and free yourself from the conditioning of your parents, your community, country, and past lives. The time truly is only ever NOW.
One last piece I would like to leave you with that came up for a dear client today is holding back your opinion when another share there's. Ask questions about how they came to their opinion, and get curious.
Curiosity of self and other is your friend this week to depersonalize your inner experience.
IF you want help resolving inner childhood trauma that is keeping you in an emotional loop, I would love to help you. My approach is as unique as your are. Together we hunt the seed of distortion, pull it out through the timelines it is connected to, and send it on its way with gratitude for the teachings and for the new found freedom. Reach out at 604-389-0595, email me at firstname.lastname@example.org, or book on this site.
NOW IS the only time and it IS the time to TRULY LIVE.
The path here is not always easy but it is WORTH IT.