Thoughts create emotions and stuck emotions stick in the body.
What goes in must come out.
The internal temperature of my body just increased 20 degrees, forcing the pores of my skin to open. I can sense a delicate plasma releasing from the opening, dumping its contents back into the Great Mystery of existence.
My eyes are registering my reality differently. There is a dimension that is revealing itself that is usually hidden beneath my perceptual state. This dimension is utter fear, fear that the world, my beloved, and my friends will lose interest in me.
Just like a flash of lightning, this stuffed emotional belief is finding its way to the surface.
Every thought I have is mirroring this belief. I am in hyperarousal, scanning a lifetime of memories in a split second to confirm this belief that everyone will lose interest in me.
There are no tears. There is just a sensation leaving my body with thought.
Ok. I want to reach out, and get reassurance that I am still interesting. But no, I decide to wait. This is the detox of the emotional holding. This is healing.
So I stay in stillness with it. I love it. I thank it. I become curious if I can track the original wound that created this belief then I pray.
"Mother, Father, God, Creator of All That Is, it is commanded that this fundamental belief, I am interesting no, be cleared from all timelines, dimensions, and reality threads. Cleared from the physical body, emotional, and mental body. This is instantaneous and permanent, instantaneous and permanent, instantaneous and permanent."
Wow. How long has that been lodged in my cells? How many decisions have I created based on this false belief? How many friendships did I end prematurely convinced they were not interested in me? How many times did I say I was uninteresting and brought that into reality.
Most importantly, how much space did this belief create between me and my God: stillness, peace, presence.
My dear ones, next time a trigger happens, get curious. The trigger is not there to wound you again, it is there lanced, open, ready to let the poison out, to let the burden go. Will you let it? Don't run to a distraction but just be one with the lancing. One with the discomfort.
May it be as sudden and healing as mine today; not that decades of living with this distortion is sudden but when I was no longer willing to hold it, it moved.
This is a law of the Universe; what comes in must come out. It did not feel good coming in and it usually does not feel good coming out. The immature nature of us humans will blame another. That part of me showed up. I wanted to tell my beloved that I was afraid he will think I am interesting and leave. Part of me wants him to reassure me that I am fine. This is only a temporary solution.
The deeper truth is that he can only act upon a distortion that I already carry. I will make it be so because it is in my energy, not the other way around.
So I sit with myself then I share the fruits of my labor. Self-responsible. Self-referencing. Interdependent and grateful for the trigger to become clean again; to return to my GOD; peace, stillness, presence.
Here are the rules I live by: